i was born a porn star she said
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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