I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
