This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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