There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
