I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
