Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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