A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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