Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
