apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
