i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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