this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
