What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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