You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
