Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
