Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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