I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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