I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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