I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
