I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
