I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
