I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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