ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Randomize
