I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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