my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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