That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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