And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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