OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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