Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
