hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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