But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
