the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
