Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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