We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
