how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
