I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
