So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
