No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
