you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
