Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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