Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
