'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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