I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
