so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
