I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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