I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
