I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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