i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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