Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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