Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
