I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
